Sunday 18 September 2011

Why Do Victims Become Victimizers?

Another topic that's been on my mind for many years.  Quite often people who have been abused in some form or another end up abusing others in a somewhat similar and/or dissimilar way.  Why is this?  As in all things, abuse is relative and viewed and felt from one's personal perspective.  I think the abused may go down this path to one degree or another in order to understand what the thinking behind their perceived abuser's intentions and motivations, heart and mind were.  Because we are one, we are at a loss when someone or something takes actions towards us, that we perceive as abusive, would ever do such a thing.  Even if we might do or have done something similar or just as 'bad' to another, if done in a different context, style or degree, is perhaps where the real confusion lies?  As it is said, "people often hate in others what they hate in themselves".  And being taken out of one's comfort zone may be in some cases what really frightens.  I am sure there are many reasons why victims become victimizers, the possibilities of choices one can take is endless.  And, unfortunately, it is so easy to become jaded.  You would hope after being abused one would never want to abuse another, but sadly, that is somewhat wishful thinking.  People are complex.  Everyone has demons to exorcise and will abuse another indirectly or directly, subconsiously or consciously, intentionally or unintentionally to one degree or another.  What is common sense to me though, is that both victims and victimizers should be shown the utmost and utter compassion.

6 comments:

  1. Because their abusers don't care, and that the circumstances that created the suffering had never been addressed. Thus, it's a never-ending cycle. Restorative justice might be able to assist people in the healing process. But it takes a long long time to undo so many years of negative cyclical behavioural patterns - particularly ones we learned from our very own parents.

    I think this blog post of yours can really create some dialogue on the issue. I hope other readers will have something to say about it too.

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  2. Right on. Society needs to address and focus on those years that are most important ~ 0 - 6 ~ if we truly want to end the cycles of abuse.

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  3. But victims don't target their abusers all the time, sometimes that's not possible, so they unload all that anger, despair, pain onto someone else, usually a weaker target, and then the violence becomes cyclical unless there is some effort by the former abuser to right the wrong he/she committed. I don't think victims who become victimizers do it to feel what it's like to be the instigator necessarily, they do it in order to take power back. It's the wrong kind of power, achieved via the wrong means, but it's what has made sense to most humans for a very long time.

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  4. It's what made sense to us humans since we and our species' forebearers existed. There's reasons for everything, the only way to address a problem is to know what all the impluses, drives and psychology behind it. Labelling it as 'evil' and the ensuing witch-hunt (eg. the War on Terrorism) doesn't right the original wrong but masks and distracts from the core issues and in so doing perpetruates the destructive cycle.

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  5. This is such a tragedy. People who have been abused at a young age and never get help dealing with it seem to turn to abusing others in some way. No matter how much others try to love and understand - if they
    don't come to terms with it (get help), they Just seem to go on to abuse others in one way or another. I guess it's the only way they have to feel in control of the situation.

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  6. Or, they're trying to understand their victimizer, or it's simply a cry for help, outrage for the injustices done to them in the past that no one heard or did anything about. I totally agree, Donna, ages 0-6 are humans formative years, setting the template for behaviours for the rest of our life. Children are our future, they must be protected at all costs, and any wrongdoing towards them must be rectified ASAP.

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